A trail guide for those who might lose sight of the path
"Show me the right paths, O LORD; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you." (Psalm 25:4-5)
Branches cracking, owls hooting, insects buzzing. I pushed sticks out of the way and forged through another thicket. Scanning my surroundings, I looked through the trees for a way that resembled a trail. Nothing clear.
I must have wandered far, I thought. The leaves crunched under my feet as my stomach crunched into a knot. Heartbeat quickening and breathing heavy as anxiety settled in. I was lost in the woods.
There were no yellow or orange trail markings in any direction. I considered turning around and heading back in the direction that I had come, but then recalled to mind the trail map. I was in the middle of a large square, hemmed in by trails all around me. If I just kept walking in any direction, I would eventually find one that would help me get my bearings.
I headed away from where I had come from. I pushed my way through branches, forging my own path. Eventually, after much longer than I expected, my feet landed on a wide-open path with an orange marker on it. Hallelujah!
Sometimes on the path of life, we can lose sight of the trail markings and get lost. When we are in the middle and unsure of where to go, it can feel scary and disorienting. But if we walk with God, He has hemmed us in with trail markings on all sides so that we are safe (Psalm 139:5 NIV). He will not let us go. If we just keep walking, we will eventually come across one. What grace!
So clarity will come, dear reader. Just keep walking, one step at a time.
***
I was on a journey with God where I thought I knew where He was leading me. He had been stirring a desire for global missions in my heart for many years, and I was finally beginning to surrender and make plans towards it. Doors were opening, confirmations surrounded me, and my heart felt at peace.
After a few years of following this direction, things changed. Doors closed, other doors opened, and my heart lacked peace in continuing along the path I had expected to take. After learning to surrender my home and all things familiar, I was being asked to surrender the opposite - my desire to be frontline on the global mission field. I did not understand God at the time and felt that He could not be leading me in this direction. I felt lost in the middle of the woods, unsure of where the path had gone.
God, is there not a need to go to the unreached? Is this not Your heart? Then why does it seem like you are not making a way for me now? Aren't you in need of more willing people? I'm willing!
But, as Katie Davis says,
"Maybe what God is after most is our surrender - just laying down our lives and our plans and opening our hands to His. Could it be that He doesn't want our leadership skills or our organizations or our big plans or our good works, as much as He wants us, just us?"
Sometimes God takes us on a journey of surrender, of laying down each and every one of our life dreams and opening our hands wholly to His authorship of our lives. And it is through this process that we can find freedom. It is through this process that we can become more fully His.
A spiritual director once told me that God gives each of us a garden of seeds that represent our dreams and hopes. We are called to plant, water, and tend to them. But that is all that is in our power to do - the rest is in His. Some will sprout, some might sprout much later in life, and others we may need to grieve will never come to fruition. We need to hold these dreams with open hands and see what He will do.
As I continued to wrestle with these changes in my life, I became more aware that I was being humbled. I had placed great value on doing the "bigger" things for God. I constantly asked him - "how can I most glorify You with my life?" This is a good question, except that it led me to judge from my vantage point and always think that I needed to do "the big" or "the extreme" thing to bring Him the most glory. If missions overseas is the greatest way I can glorify Him, then I will go instead of stay. If adopting children is the greatest way I can glorify Him, then I'll choose adoption over biological. But do I believe that God can be just as glorified in the smaller, more "ordinary" actions? Do I believe that only He can determine the actions that will bring Him the most glory - great or ordinary in our eyes? He began to show me that more than giving everything for Him, He wanted me to give everything to Him. I began to ask the question instead - "what is the next step You have for me, Lord?"
This shift in perspective has led me to seek abiding in Jesus more. It has changed my desire to be for faithfulness over impact. To trust that He cares about the impact and knows the best way to glorify Himself through my life.
As St. Therese of Lisieux said,
"He willed to create great souls comparable to lilies and roses, but He has created smaller ones and these must be content to be [little wildflowers] destined to give joy to God's glance when He looks down at his feet. Perfection consists in doing His will, in being what He wills us to be."
Or Hannah Hurnard in Hinds Feet on High Places,
"Some lives may be like showy and spectacular mountain peaks, rising high in glory for many to see. Others may be smaller and more picturesque, but they too display glory in quieter ways."
Jesus made it very clear that His only purpose was to do His Father's will (John 4:34). And He did not necessarily demonstrate immediate efficiency as a top priority. He could have reached so many more people, but his official ministry was only for 3 of his 33 years on Earth. He could have sent me as a missionary to an unreached place, but currently He has me here. His ways are hard for us to understand, but I do believe they are better than our plans.
"We ought not to be weary of doing little things for the love of God, who regards not the greatness of the work, but the love with which it is performed." ~ Brother Lawrence
"He guides me along right paths, bringing honour to His name." (Psalm 23:3 NLT) This verse makes clear that God cares about us following the right paths, and He cares about bringing glory to His name. Can I trust this? That He knows how to get my attention to lead me and cares more about His own glory than I do. If so, then I can trust that somehow this path He has me on is the way that will bring Him the most glory through my life.
Abiding in Jesus can be hard. It means living in the present and trusting His leading for the next step, as opposed to planning out our future and anticipating the path ahead. And living small can be hard. It can mean living in humility and surrendering the desire to feel justified in living an outwardly impactful and applauded life.
But living small is not compromise (unless we are not surrendering to Him). Living according to His purpose for me is the ONLY way to be radical, the ONLY way to be faithful. The ONLY way to truly love, to truly be humble.
I want to follow His path for my life, no matter what that leads to. And so even when the path is unclear to me, I will keep walking one step at a time, trusting His leading, and believing that one day clarity will come.
"Even if...you are led to doubt whether you are following the right path, remember the promise: 'Thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand and when ye turn to the left.' Always go forward along the path of obedience as far as you know it until I intervene, even if it seems to be leading you where you fear I could never mean you to go." ~ Hannah Hurnard, Hinds Feet on High Places
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